what a weekend

what a weekend. full of deep, meaningful experiences. great conversations. tears and laughter. a bit of time in the garden. lots of sunshine. clean sheets. sushi for dinner. quite a lot of creativity. the lilacs are in bloom. the first asparagus is up. the beech trees have that special spring color of green. life doesn't actually get much better than this. live intensely. tell people what they mean to you. spend time with them. and don't let the petty shit have any more importance than it deserves (and it doesn't deserve any). i needed that lesson and i got it this weekend. in spades. let's hope it sticks.

a most meaningful act of creativity

when my friend messaged last evening, asking me to come and consult on her painting project, i didn't realize that she would want me to help with the painting of her sister's coffin. i thought i was only consulting on the placement of what she would paint on it. it seemed like such a personal project, that i didn't even dare to ask if she wanted me to help with the actual painting. when i arrived today, we talked about the flowers she had done the evening before. they were quite unlike her - she actually went to the art academy and she's a very good painter. the flowers that were already on the coffin didn't look like her at all.  they seemed too deliberate and almost a bit childlike and stiff. (the flowers below are not those.)

her sister was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor two and a half years ago. at that time, they gave her about a year. she's already lived much longer than expected, but the tumor has grown dramatically in recent weeks and now it's only a matter of time. she requested that my friend paint bright, happy flowers on her coffin and of course my friend wanted to comply. but this is an almost impossibly difficult request. and that's why the flowers she did seemed so cramped and restrained. it is so much to ask. really too much to ask. so many emotions are involved, it's nearly impossible to let go and enter the flow needed to create the perfect flowers on the last resting place of your closest sister. just writing it almost takes my breath away.

i also know her sister and feel absolutely horrible that she's leaving her family far too early. but i could see how we could achieve the flowers and i could see what an act of love, and yes, even therapy it would be to do it. and so, after dancing around it a bit, we both mentioned at nearly the same time, that maybe i could help paint them. and so i did. we spent nine hours painting flowers on her sister's coffin. we are very pleased with the result. i can't show the final version here yet, as it feels wrong to show it before the funeral, but i will show it when the time is more appropriate. but i am so grateful to have been part of this project. 

it was such an emotional day. it's very sobering to stand before an empty casket, knowing that soon it will contain a beloved sister and daughter. and feeling the solemn responsibility of fulfilling her wish that it would be decorated with cheerful, colorful flowers. we shed more than a few tears. but we also laughed a lot and honestly, it sounds strange to say, but it was a truly wonderful day. we achieved a really lovely result and we did it together with so much love and laughter. it was like the most cleansing, intense therapy session ever. it's a day i will never forget. and i'm so grateful that i got to be a part of it. 

* * *

i loved reading this. 

 

love your people, people

picture to convey more serenity than i feel

just like in the old days, i turn to this space to write and figure out what i think about things. i had a rather crappy day today, though it had overall been a great week. it was one of those weeks where a project looks pretty rocky on monday and you wonder if it's going to collapse into chaos, and then it begins to resolve and all the things that were swirling around start to fall into place. and by the end of the week, it's taking shape and it looks even better than you imagined. honestly, i love that.

but in the midst of that, i was struck by one of those moments that hit me hard - a situation where i feel like i'm disrespected or somehow on the outside, that i just don't belong and my contribution isn't appreciated or understood. i am SO triggered by such moments. even though i honestly hate that word triggered...we're all triggered these days and we all need a diagnosis of some sort (insert eye roll emoji). 

i have a male colleague (of course it's a he) who is treating me in a condescending, sexist and possibly ageist way. and even though i can clearly see that it's to cover his own mistakes and not admit any fault, i let it ruin my day. and of course, it all took place on email, which is where all the worst corporate bullshit happens. and frankly, it's all bullshit.

and even as i know that, i still couldn't help but be carried away by the emotions that that trigger...well...triggers in me. i stood apart from myself in the moment, even as i fought the tears that welled up in my eyes, and said, "seriously, WTF? why do you let this situation that doesn't mean anything in the scheme of things get to you like this?" and yet it still did. and there wasn't a damn thing i could do about it, even though i could see it for what it was.

and then, when i got home and complained to husband and to my sister and realized how ridiculous and petty and unnecessary it all sounded, i got a message from a good friend. she needs me tomorrow to help her paint her dying sister's coffin. and suddenly, it all receded into the proper perspective. it doesn't matter. what matters is holding your loved ones near and being there for the people who matter. and the sexist, thoughtless, own-ass-covering jerks at work can take a hike. 

currently

i am home alone.

it is blissful, but also a little bit quiet.

it's warm enough outside to have the windows open and it's 9:30 p.m.

spring is springing.

i'm listening to a half-terrible cozy ghost/mystery series.

sometimes that's just what i need.

i had a creative brain day.

it's kind of exhausting.

but also wonderful.

and also just what i needed.

husband is in amsterdam.

the child is back in phoenix (for the moment). 

it's just me and olga up here in the quiet bedroom.

i bought new sheets and a new duvet cover at ikea on my way home.

new sheets are transformative.

knitting an organic cotton sophie scarf. my 9th.

it's the perfect activity for the aforementioned half-terrible cozy mystery.

and for quieting a brain that worked overtime today.

a new hummingbird tattoo!

when i was in arizona, sabin and i went to our favorite tattoo artist, lolo, to get a new tattoo. we wanted to match, but not be completely matching. we wanted something to remind us of arizona, since we share a lot of experiences there and we both went to arizona state.

we chose a hummingbird and lolo created one for us that would look great both in color and as a black line tattoo. i love color and sabin loves black lines.

when we arrived, we weren't sure where we wanted to place the tattoo. it turned out that we could actually place it in the same spot on our right arms, which wasn't our plan. but it just felt so right!

so cool and so meaningful, not to mention beautiful! what a great experience! 

* * *

i just posted over on substack.

tea towels inspired by the eras tour

i was chatting with my sister and my swiftie friend on our group chat and we decided that my next weaving project should be tea towels inspired by the eras tour. so i ordered up a bunch of new weaving yarn in new colors. it arrived right before i went to the states. last weekend, i got started on seeing how the colors i ordered play together.

i made vikleprøver/yarn windings to play with the colors. i think i'll start with lover, which is the one at the top. followed by 1989, which is the one at the bottom. i need to adjust the colors for midnights (on the right), as the brown doesn't work and it needs some burgundy. the one on the left is reputation. that one, i want to play with a more graphic look. 

we're going to make the warp for lover this weekend. i'm even going to put that sparkly yarn in there, together with the purple, so that there's a little sparkle to them, even though that's not necessarily traditional in a tea towel.

the planning is actually becoming part of the fun for me! that's not normally my core competence, nor something i like all that much. i'm learning how to achieve the look i'm going for. and even learning what i like and what i don't. i think it's going to be a fun exercise. and with all those eras, it should keep the loom occupied for a few months to come.

 

glorious spring and some random thoughts

the weather has been completely glorious for the past few days. it was 21°C when i got home from work today around 5. i changed into running pants and decided to go out for a nice walk, maybe with a little intermittent jogging. i ended up talking to the neighbor for like half an hour since she was out in her garden when i went past. we talked about a little of everything, including the spray-tanned satan wreaking havoc on the world. she said she wished someone would "do something" about him. me too, sister. 

interesting that my 85-year-old neighbor in denmark seemed more informed and interested in what he was doing than many of the people i encountered while in the us a couple of weeks ago. she's pretty plugged into the local scene as well - telling me that the field across the road will be potatoes this year rather than corn. i think that's good. last year's corn crop was pretty dismal.

* * *

the one thing i like about daylight savings time is having the light at the end of the day. it's 8:30 p.m. as i write this and there's still a glow. i wish we could just stay on this time and keep the evening light. 

* * *

i don't know if you are on tiktok, but i've started making some knittok videos the past couple of days over there if you'd like to check them out. i did my first wip wednesday, which is a thing on knittok. on wednesdays, you just show and talk about all the projects that you're working on. and today, i did a yarn haul video featuring all of the yarn i bought in minneapolis. i'm not a great editor, as you will see, but everyone's gotta start somewhere. i think i'll do one with knitting hot takes next. it's also a thing over on knittok. you know what a sucker i am for joining a new community.

speaking of tiktok, it sounds like it might go away again for the americans, but perhaps trump is too busy inflicting tariffs on remote australian islands inhabited only by penguins to remember it should be turned off. they say the tariffs were calculated by chatGPT, so i guess ai really is going to be the end of things.