serenity now

i'm starting with this lovely, calming image of a dahlia that's growing in my greenhouse because i need to quiet my mind and stop obsessing. but for some strange reason, that's proving difficult at the moment. to explain why, i have to back up a bit.

like about 3 years. 

three summers ago, we visited my family in the US. our best friends, a danish couple, and their three children came along with us. they spent every minute of this vacation depending upon us (mostly me) for their every experience. i had been working very hard and was looking forward to relaxing and seeing my family. but, the vacation was far from relaxing. 

we drove about 4000km all over the upper midwest. we went up tall buildings, we experimented in museums of science and industry, we ate huge plates of food, we camped, we rode horses, we took a balloon ride, we went to a baseball game, we ate great food, we explored a cave, we set up a real teepee, we ate some more food, we walked around the devil's tower, we shopped in outlet malls, we had a milkshake in an authentic diner somewhere in minnesota, we saw them blasting at crazy horse and cleaning the face of mt. rushmore. 

we spent two and a half weeks doing it all. and i spent that time leading the way and making decisions as to what we would do because no matter how many brochures i spread out on the picnic table the night before, the next morning when it was time to decide what to do, everyone looked at me. and then when i decided, they muttered to themselves afterwards that it was too touristy or too expensive or there were too many norwegians (true story, at the cave in the black hills). i did not find this very relaxing. in fact, i found it rather stressful and i was stressed out to begin with.

to compound the situation, we learned that our friends' english just wasn't very good. this, of course, caused stress for them. when you're in a loud restaurant and the waiter rattles of 16 choices of dressing and 6 different choices of potato, you feel pretty overwhelmed. if you're the husband in this couple, you get really, really pissy and starting throwing the "f" word around left and right, because it packs a whole lot less punch in danish than it does in english. and you are somehow so obtuse that you don't realize that you're in fact in a place where you may think you're speaking danish, but all anyone around you hears is "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." and that people, especially people in the midwest, do not find this charming.

so, when we got home, i thought, we take a cooling off period and we spend less time with these friends. but, they were so traumatized by the traffic the last day in chicago (we were, thankfully, in separate mini-vans for the vacation), that they called and  "resigned" our friendship. that's the exact phrase they used, "vi opsiger vores venskab." like it was a job or something. 

for three years, i have a felt a bit bad about this. not on a daily basis, but occasionally. i have especially felt really bad that although my family went out of their way to make sure these friends had a great time (cooking breakfast for 10 people isn't easy, but my mom did it uncomplainingly), it was never acknowledged by our friends. my sister arranged and paid for the balloon ride. my aunt hauled out SEVEN kayaks so everyone could kayak on the river. my own services as tour guide aside, don't you think they should have had the decency to send a small thank you note to my family for the great experiences they had?

do you think they did this?

you'd be right if you said, "no, i don't think they did."

and that's what's bothered me for 3 years. that and that i really NEEDED that vacation and it wasn't relaxing at all.

so, when planning the big party for our housewarming, we decided to bury the hatchet and invite these people. i sent them an invitation. i requested a response (for the caterer) by aug. 1. it is today august 14. we called and asked whether they were coming. they were very pleasant on the phone, but had another engagement, so they were not coming. but do you think they had the decency to tell us that? bear in mind they had received a written invitation in the mail with a specific request for RSVP by a specific date.

you'd be right if you said, "no, i don't think they did."

and so i'm all riled up again and in need of serenity now. this should SO totally not bother me at all after three years. it is completely in character. so why am i hurt and bothered by it? what on earth is wrong with me? why does it bother me that they are clearly rude and badly raised? it's really not my problem, but yet it's me feeling badly about it. they surely show no sign of it. the only thing that should bother me is my own stupidity for having thought it would be ok to invite them.

actually, in writing this, i do realize that there is some humor in the situation, so it will be ok, but man does it in some sense make me feel sad and hurt all over again. and that's not much fun. when will i ever learn? 

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thankfully, just after writing all of this, on truth cycles, i found a place to make myself my own serenity goddess. so perhaps she'll help me (i gave her a skull necklace to scare off all of the evil):