stranger in a strange land

i did, in fact, survive my ikea run. turns out that going on an ordinary tuesday morning, half an hour from opening time is a great time to go. i parked second from the end closest to the door (that usually only happens to husband, he has the world's best parking karma) and didn't have to battle any crowds. it seemed to be largely old people and a nursing home for younger handicapped folks on an outing. they seemed to be enjoying themselves, so no stress. the only drawback was that they were out of the shades i went there for (which didn't stop me from buying 2,000 kroner of other stuff--why can't i just walk past the fabric section?). i did, however, find the shades in another store nearby, so no return trip to ikea anytime soon (phew). but enough of all that boring crap...i just thought i had to give you an update since i had issued such a dire warning this morning.

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after my big spree in ikea, i went to buy groceries. in the grocery store, i witnessed one of those things that i simply cannot, from a cultural standpoint, even after more than ten years living in this country, understand.  from my perspective, danes are really closed. there's no public chatting with strangers. there's no greeting you if they don't know you. and there is a curious lack of awareness that other people exist in public spaces.

nearly every time i'm out in public, i have at least one experience wherein i'm standing, waiting patiently to get past someone who is taking up the entire aisle and is entirely oblivious to the fact that anyone might want past. this happens both in the grocery store and in the car, especially in a parking lot. a total and utter obliviousness to the very existence of other people. and, because of cultural pressure, no one ever says anything, so i end up feeling that i can't even really say "excuse me" to go by, you just have to wait until they meander on to the next door of the dairy case. most of the time, it never even dawns on them that they were in someone's way.

this obliviousness to others can also result in them directly running into you or over your foot with their cart or their baby carriage. and 8 out of 10 times, you will not get an apology for this. you will hardly be deemed worthy of a look and by god, what the hell were you doing there anyway, they completely didn't notice you because you didn't meet back in kindergarten when they met all the people they needed for a lifetime.

so today, while i was standing in line for bread (and feeling rather soviet), i saw a woman run smack into a person in a wheelchair--totally her fault, not even remotely his, by the way. and not just any wheelchair, but a really special, motorized one that the person in question was operating by resting his chin on a special joystick. so an extremely handicapped person. and this woman just gave the man some kind of a smirk, but did not utter even the slightest whisper of an apology. it may very well be that the person in the wheelchair lacked the power of speech, but didn't he deserve an "excuse me?"

i was dumbfounded and found that my heart was actually pounding. with some effort, i held myself back from leaving the line and going over and asking the woman, loudly and in front of all of kvickly (that was the name of the grocery store), what her problem was that she couldn't even have the common courtesy to apologize to a deeply disabled person. and i have kicked myself ever since. what is it that stops me in such a situation? it's the pressure of the culture around me. but it's also a desire not to appear righteous, which i also deeply dislike. i could have overcome the culture by confronting her in english, thereby displaying that i'm not of this culture. but i didn't do it. and i really wish i had.

i fear i'll never really understand the danes, because i can't make up an explanation in my head that makes such a situation ok. there's no common courtesy, no common decency in it, especially for a people who are otherwise all about welfare and being certain people are provided for. maybe it's that people think they did their part in giving 50% of their salary in taxes, and that's as far as their human decency extends.  it's not that i feel superior, i just don't think i'll ever really get used it.