losing and then finding myself: lessons learned

december 17 - lesson learned: what was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? and how will you apply that lesson going forward?

i have an odd tendency to lose myself in my job...i wholeheartedly take on the identity that's desired of me...or rather the one that i perceive is desired of me in a particular company. i give my whole self and then some. or at least i used to do that. i got a bit burned out doing that a couple of years ago and so i've held myself back from doing it again. last year, there was the misogynist dinosaur which kept me from wholly giving myself over to a job i otherwise completely loved.

and then there's the past year that i spent in completely the wrong place. and although i knew from the beginning it was the wrong place, i did it for a friend and for the sake of a major lifestyle change. and i've learned that you can't do that. and that you shouldn't do that. if you know in your heart that something is wrong, it is wrong. and nothing will ever make it right. no friend (who probably isn't really a friend when it comes down to it) and no cool product that you believe in will make it right if it's not.

so the lesson i've learned is to listen to that voice in my head. and all of the voices of those who emailed me and asked me if i was ok, because i didn't seem to be myself right here on this blog (thank you!!). i feel a little bit like i lost 2010. i know that feeling will fade and it's because i'm still too close to it. i had to go through what i've been through so i could move to the next step. it's about building your karma, isn't it? or perhaps paying it off. and maybe i went for the wrong job because i had some karma to work off. or maybe i'm storing it up for the next time. or more probably both.

but what i learned is that i have to listen to my heart of hearts, to my intuition. she doesn't steer me wrong. but for all of that, i feel that voice is stronger and steadier than ever. and i'm ready to create what's next. myself.  together with real friends this time.

~ namaste