how not to couchsurf

we actually have quite a fetching couch to surf

i am a big fan of couchsurfing and have, until now, had only great experiences. but the past couple of days have been a very interesting exercise in how NOT to couchsurf. and sadly, it was our couch being surfed...so i thought i'd share a few pointers about how NOT to do it.

~ when you're collected from the train station, wander up to the car and don't bother to introduce yourself, just awkwardly start putting your bags in the car, after you indicate that the person collecting you should open the door for you.

~ don't take off your shoes when you come in the house, despite the fact that your host does and there are loads of shoes in the entryway.

~ come bearing no small token of any kind - no bottle of wine, no chocolates, nothing special from your country.

~ whatever you do, don't offer to help with dinner.

~ complain that it's too cold to sit outside.

~ turn every conversation into something about you.

~ don't display any interest in hearing the stories of your host or reacting to them in a normal way.

~ ask about whether we usually close the bathroom door (yes, the hallway is small) and then complain that when the bathroom door is closed, it's too hard to know if there's someone inside.

~ expect to be waited on hand and foot.

~ fall asleep on the floor in the living room. in the middle of the day.

~ make everyone so uncomfortable, they don't want to be in their own living room.

~ tell really strange, sketchy stories about yourself.

~ claim you own a home in japan.

~  and also in alabama (that you also claim to have bought with a credit card).

~ talk extensively about ways in which you've bought stocks using various credit cards.

~ talk mysteriously about how you've gotten loads of frequent flyer miles (and can use them on stand-by(WTF??)) using various credit cards.

~ claim to be a professional photographer, but have only a canon 40D (nothing wrong with that camera, but it's not a professional, aerial photographer camera).

~ claim to have a specialized photography blimp.

~ ask questions and then claim you knew the answer already.

~ act defensive.

~ go to the grocery store with your host and don't even offer to pay a token sum.

~ keep complaining about the cheap-ass inexpensive chinese copy phone you bought online when the "directions" that accompany it don't help you.

~ ask to go on a drive with your host because you want to see the landscape and then proceed to fiddle with your phone for the entire journey and never once look out the window.

~ ask your host if they know someone who works for apple, since you couldn't imagine that people would actually buy apple products.

~ keep claiming you're sick, but show up for meals with bells on.

~ act put upon that you're not waited on hand and foot, even tho' you were clearly shown where the (homemade!) bread and sandwich fixings were and told that if you were hungry, you should just help yourself. complain at dinner that you haven't had anything to eat or drink since breakfast.

~ be sure you don't offer to help with said dinner.

~ give really strange and winding answers to straightforward questions.

~ get out a little hand recorder and record conversations without saying anything about it or asking permission. (really? WTF??)

~ hang around all day, but don't be part of any of the activities people are doing (gardening, demolishing a container, hanging out in the garden).

~ expect that your laundry is done and folded and returned to you.

~ just generally seem really cheap and like a freeloader.

i could go on, but i think i have to stop here...i'm still processing this experience. i'm sure there will be more to say in the near future.

i would like to say, however, that this doesn't discourage me from couchsurfing, which i think is a fantastic concept, it just makes me want to be way more careful about really, really reading people's profiles when they ask to stay here. because i actually think a lot of this was there and i just didn't pick up on it.