a little collection of what's on my mind

after seeing the delightfully weird me and you and everyone we know on the silver channel a few weeks ago, i ordered one of miranda july's books of short stories from the library. she had written and directed and even starred in (if you can call it that) the film. like the film, the stories in no one belongs here more than you are quite internal, lonely, odd, strangely sexual and have an undertone of a desperate hanging on (to love, to life, to sanity). they're provocative and both depressed and depressing. they're not really that good for the kind of bedtime reading that i like to do. i'm just not sure i need that much loneliness right before bedtime.

which isn't to say that i don't like the book, i do (i'm only about halfway done with it). i think miranda july (i can't make either of her names look right alone, so i have to use both) captures a kind of internal voice that we maybe all have, tho' many of us have been socialized to repress it. but there's also something of the inherent loneliness of the urban world that we inhabit. tho' we are surrounded by people, we are, for much of the time, quite alone. and we are utterly alone in our own thoughts. that also shines through in her film. loneliness is clearly her big theme.

i think her writing is deep and beautiful and i envy it a bit. the seeming freedom with which she expresses the inner, slightly embarrassing thoughts that i'm certain we all have, is a place i just don't dare to go. it has a raw vulnerability that i don't think i ever allow myself in my writing. but it's doing me good to read it and think it over.

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the bugs bunny line repeats over and over in my head in ominous wagnerian tones: "i killed the wabbit." because yesterday, due to a bad decision made by me, this little beauty of a bunny was callously killed by pepchen, our mama kitty.

we have a big cage that we put out on the lawn for the bunnies to get some sunshine, grass and fresh air. i had solskin and her five babies, who are three and a half weeks old now, out in the cage all afternoon. i kept going out to check on them and they were doing well. they were enjoying themselves and tho' i was going to be leaving to pick up some feed, i consciously decided to leave them out because they were so enjoying frolicking in the sunshine and i wouldn't be gone long. the little bunnies can sometimes find a place to get outside the cage, but they hadn't really done so all day. so i went.

when i came back 20 minutes or so later, i looked out the laundry room window and saw pepchen suspiciously stalking the cage. so i ran out and chased her away. i discovered the little black velvet bunny on the outside of the cage and couldn't find creamy (the bunny above) anywhere. i took the others all inside to their real cage in the barn and proceeded to search and call for creamy for 45 minutes or more. growing more and more concerned. and then, as i was going back to the house, i saw her still little body lying underneath the trampoline. killed, but not eaten (thankfully), by the cat before i stopped her. i will admit i shed tears and felt so guilty about it all evening. the poor little innocent life, taken by the cat. we're mad at pepchen, but in all honesty, she couldn't help herself, it was just her nature. i suppose we'll forgive her in time, but for now, we are mourning the loss of little creamy. she was such a beautiful and sweet little bunny soul and we will miss her.

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playing words with friends isn't much fun if your opponent is using a cheat site.

and p.s. it's easy to tell.

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årstiderne, the fabulous folks behind the weekly deliveries of organic veg and other goodies, have just come out with a gin & tonic box!! handmade in denmark, small batch gin by ørbæk distillery and organic tonic. swoon! i swear their awesomeness knows no bounds.

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i've developed an allergy to the designation DIY that's quite similar to my allergy to LOL. i blame pinterest for this. here's the deal, if it's obvious that it's a craft, you don't need to call it DIY. example: origami? not DIY. stitching? not DIY. knitting? not DIY. hacking an ikea lamp? maybe. the photo above contains several great examples of DIY - the boxes for the herb beds are DIY. the custom-built mini greenhouse that fits over one of the herb bed boxes: DIY. the pizza oven in the background, definitely DIY. because they are definitely Do It Yourself - they are drawn out, designed and built, all by husband, so not really myself, but they are real DIY. origami birds are not. they are just origami. 

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yesterday, while sabin got a much-needed haircut, i sat playing on my phone while i waited. it was the end of the day and the two young women who have the salon had a friendly banter going with a young man who came in for a haircut. he was probably in his mid-20s and lives in a local group home. he was independent enough to come down to the hairdresser on his own and to hand her an envelope of money to pay for the haircut which had been prepared for him beforehand by someone at the group home. he came in with a bouquet of dandelions behind his back and presented them with a smile. he teased the girl who was cutting his hair, saying he'd rather have the hairdresser who was doing sabin's hair. he talked a lot about a singer he liked and how his hair was white on the ends. he also repeated several times that he was going to the circus that evening and how much he's like one of those circus posters that were up around town. he had sharply observed that there were several different versions of the poster, but he definitely wanted the one with the clown. the girl cutting his hair kept up a cheerful and even teasing banter with him, which made him feel good and validated as a person. and which impressed me greatly as a spectator to the entire encounter. his lack of the social filter that holds us back from fully enjoying and fully jumping into a conversation, made for a pleasant atmosphere in the salon in general. i don't know what his diagnosis was, but i'm pleased we go to a salon where the girls who work there were so good at making him feel like the whole and worthy individual he undoubtedly is. it's a shame that culture and society in general often look upon someone like him in the opposite manner, not appreciating the gifts he has, but rather lamenting those he doesn't. and i'll admit that i wasn't entirely comfortable at first with his lack of the societal mask. but as i sat there, listening, i came to appreciate it very much. we could all learn a lesson from him in being entirely who we are in the moment.